Golf Jokes 1
The Gospel According to St. Titleist
Eighteen holes of match play will teach you more about your foe than 18 years of dealing with him across a desk. ~Grantland Rice
Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five. ~John Updike
It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is when one is playing golf. ~Robert Lynd
If profanity had any influence on the flight of the ball, the game of golf would be played far better than it is. ~Horace G. Hutchinson
They say golf is like life, but don’t believe them. Golf is more complicated than that. ~ Gardner Dickinson
If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork as poorly as they do a golf club, they’d starve to death. ~Sam Snead
Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness. ~ William Wordsworth
If you drink, don’t drive. Don’t even putt. ~Dean Martin
If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you don’t have to waste energy going back to pick it up. ~Tommy Bolt
Man blames fate for all other accidents, but feels personally responsible when he makes a hole-in-one. ~Bishop Sheen
I don’t say my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they’d come up sliced. ~ Arnold Palmer
My handicap? Woods and irons. ~Chris Codiroli
The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody would put a flag stick on top. ~Pete Dye
I’m hitting the woods just great, but having a terrible time getting out of them! ~Buddy Hackett
The only time my prayers are never answered is playing golf. ~Billy Graham
If you think it’s hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. ~Jack Lemmon
Its good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. ~Mark Twain
Don’t play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty. ~Harry Vardon
Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at either of them. ~Raymond Willis
May the ball lie in green pastures, and not in still waters or small round sandy regions. ~Ben Hogan
If I hit it right, it’s a slice. If I hit it left, it’s a hook. If I hit it straight, it’s a miracle. ~All Us Hackers
The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can’t improve your lie. ~George Deukmejian
AND FINALLY…………….
Remember Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe.